I refuse to miss the Beauty...

This weekend I spent mother’s day at Carolina Beach.  On the drive down with Cadence soundly sleeping and Cole happily watching shark tales, I had a moment to reflect back on the past week.  A beautiful delivery, a busy, full clinic, first week of daycare for Cadence, being on OB call- I felt like I was in the “amazing race” trying to run both parts of my life and keep everything going.  As I drove I reflected on the weeks events and I realized how this balancing act, logistical nightmare that I am trying to run here may be the biggest and best challenge of my life.  Somewhere deep inside, I know I am going to look back on these days as a young mother and young doctor and cherish the memories of both sides of my life.   I decided during my drive that these times are too precious to internally feel so overwhelmed that I miss the beauty.   I don’t want to miss the silly comments and expressions of Cole during our sweet playtime together in the evenings because I am too busy checking my email that I didn’t get to during the day.  I don’t want to miss all of Cadence’s firsts.  Certainly she will have some firsts that I miss while i’m at work- but how sad if I were to be too distant in mind, while working furiously on my laptop -during my precious time with her, that I miss the small discoveries she makes while playing near my feet. Yet on the other hand, how sad it would be if I stay so overwhelmed with maternal guilt that I can’t do my work as doctor with my whole heart as God has called me to do.  What if I am so distracted by those guilt feelings that I don’t even notice that expression of tender, overtaken emotion that is in a new mother’s face when I hand her her baby seconds after its birth.  What if I missed those sweet tears that roll down a young, unwed father’s face- ,Those same sweet expressions and tears that affected me so  that I knew I had to do this work.  I have to guard my heart and emotions and show up everyday.  Whether I am doctor or mother in that moment- I need to be 100% there.  I don’t want to miss the beauty. I know Michael and I say this with each passing year but...this may be the best time of our lives. God, please help me to have your love, grace, and patience overflowing from my heart so that I can do the work you have asked me to do.  Whether that work is being mommy or doctor- please help me be present and not miss the beauty.