Little Eyes

Cole watching me eat breakfast

I love to watch Cole as he acquires new skills. Michael and I were just thrilled a few weeks ago when he really started to look at us in our eyes like he knew who we were. Then he started to follow me with his eyes as I would walk across the room. This week he has started to watch things I do, no longer for just fleeting seconds, but it seems he is now studying my everyday activities. When he is not in my arms, he observes life from his activity mat, his bouncer and stroller. From time to time I will look over and see him studying my every move while I go about my daily routine. This of course thrills my heart when I catch him doing this. But it also reminds me of the great responsibility I have for the rest of my life. Those 2 little eyes are going to be watching me from now, at age 12, as an adult, and really until I leave this earth. The things I say to others’ the things I say at the supper table, how I serve my neighbor, and what I serve at dinner--He will see all of it--God help me to be the example his little eyes need to see in order to learn about you and become the man that you would have him to be.

become the man that you would have him to be.

Dayenu

Picture of Cole's first passover. He he not adorable wearing the yarmulke.

We celebrated Easter yesterday. I think this year was particularly special for me. We celebrated the passover with my Aunt and Uncle who practice Judaism. I was excited to attend passover with Uncle Joe leading the Seder and be able to eat all of the traditional foods that my Aunt Mary Lynn had prepared for us. Little did I know how beautiful the symbolism would be. The entire service focused on freedom and redemption of the Jewish people. It recounted the story of the exodus from Egypt as well as focused prayers on the physical freedom of all Jews everywhere. The readings were amazing. Even though I breastfeed and wrestled my 5 week old infant during most of the Seder, I still was taken and deeply moved by the readings and symbolism of the ceremony. The fact that Jesus celebrated in similar fashion before he became the final sacrifice for the entire world. Each time that freedom for all was mentioned during the Seder, my heart was so thankful that spiritual freedom is possible for all. At this point in the world physical freedom is not always allowed. Like Paul and Silas in jail praising the Lord and being spiritually free, all people regardless of physical freedom can be spiritually free.

One traditional Hebrew song is called “Dayenu.” In is sung during the passover celebration. The word “Danyeu” itself means “it would have been enough for us.” The song goes through a series of stanzas proclaiming that any of them alone would have been sufficient. It has 15 verses:

Five Stanzas of Leaving Slavery

1) If He had brought us out of Egypt.
2) If He had executed justice upon the Egyptians.
3) If He had executed justice upon their gods.
4) If He had slain their first born.
5) If He had given to us their health and wealth.

Five Stanzas of Miracles

6) If He had split the sea for us.
7) If He had led us through on dry land.
8) If He had drowned our oppressors.
9) If He had provided for our needs in the wilderness for 40 years.
10) If He had fed us manna.

Five Stanzas of Being With God

11) If He had given us Shabbat.
12) If He had led us to Mount Sinai.
13) If He had given us the Torah.
14) If He had brought us into the Land of Israel.
15) If He built the Temple for us.

After each stanza everyone sings “Dayenu” meaning if God had done just this it would have been enough.

This theme has remained in my heart since passover on Monday night. On Easter morning I was getting ready for church. I realized as Michael was getting Cole ready for church that he had tears in his eyes. I was a bit surprised and I asked him what was on his mind. He said, “If God had died on the cross for us it would have been enough. But he goes beyond that and blesses us in so many ways. One of those blessing being our little boy.”

Dayenu!!! But he does more than we ask, gives us with overwhelming gifts, and dreams bigger dreams for us than we can even dream for ourselves. God is so good.

think this year was particularly special for me. We celebrated the passover with my Aunt and Uncle who practice Judaism. I was excited to attend passover with Uncle Joe leading the Seder and be able to eat all of the traditional foods that my Aunt Mary Lynn had prepared for us. Little did I know how beautiful the symbolism would be. The entire service focused on freedom and redemption of the Jewish people. It recounted the story of the exodus from Egypt as well as focused prayers on the physical freedom of all Jews everywhere. The readings were amazing. Even though I breastfeed and wrestled my 5 week old infant during most of the Seder, I still was taken and deeply moved by the readings and symbolism of the ceremony. The fact that Jesus celebrated in similar fashion before he became the final sacrifice for the entire world. Each time that freedom for all was mentioned during the Seder, my heart was so thankful that spiritual freedom is possible for all. At this point in the world physical freedom is not always allowed. Like Paul and Silas in jail praising the Lord and being spiritually free, all people regardless of physical freedom can be spiritually free.

One traditional Hebrew song is called “Dayenu.” In is sung during the passover celebration. The word “Danyeu” itself means “it would have been enough for us.” The song goes through a series of stanzas proclaiming that any of them alone would have been sufficient. It has 15 verses:

Five Stanzas of Leaving Slavery

1) If He had brought us out of Egypt.
2) If He had executed justice upon the Egyptians.
3) If He had executed justice upon their gods.
4) If He had slain their first born.
5) If He had given to us their health and wealth.

Five Stanzas of Miracles

6) If He had split the sea for us.
7) If He had led us through on dry land.
8) If He had drowned our oppressors.
9) If He had provided for our needs in the wilderness for 40 years.
10) If He had fed us manna.

Five Stanzas of Being With God

11) If He had given us Shabbat.
12) If He had led us to Mount Sinai.
13) If He had given us the Torah.
14) If He had brought us into the Land of Israel.
15) If He built the Temple for us.

After each stanza everyone sings “Dayenu” meaning if God had done just this it would have been enough.

This theme has remained in my heart since passover on Monday night. On Easter morning I was getting ready for church. I realized as Michael was getting Cole ready for church that he had tears in his eyes. I was a bit surprised and I asked him what was on his mind. He said, “If God had died on the cross for us it would have been enough. But he goes beyond that and blesses us in so many ways. One of those blessing being our little boy.”

Dayenu!!! But he does more than we ask, gives us with overwhelming gifts, and dreams bigger dreams for us than we can even dream for ourselves. God is so good.

We celebrated Easter yesterday. I think this year was particularly special for me. We celebrated the passover with my Aunt and Uncle who practice Judaism. I was excited to attend passover with Uncle Joe leading the Seder and be able to eat all of the traditional foods that my Aunt Mary Lynn had prepared for us. Little did I know how beautiful the symbolism would be. The entire service focused on freedom and redemption of the Jewish people. It recounted the story of the exodus from Egypt as well as focused prayers on the physical freedom of all Jews everywhere. The readings were amazing. Even though I breastfeed and wrestled my 5 week old infant during most of the Seder, I still was taken and deeply moved by the readings and symbolism of the ceremony. The fact that Jesus celebrated in similar fashion before he became the final sacrifice for the entire world. Each time that freedom for all was mentioned during the Seder, my heart was so thankful that spiritual freedom is possible for all. At this point in the world physical freedom is not always allowed. Like Paul and Silas in jail praising the Lord and being spiritually free, all people regardless of physical freedom can be spiritually free.

One traditional Hebrew song is called “Dayenu.” In is sung during the passover celebration. The word “Danyeu” itself means “it would have been enough for us.” The song goes through a series of stanzas proclaiming that any of them alone would have been sufficient. It has 15 verses:

Five Stanzas of Leaving Slavery

1) If He had brought us out of Egypt.
2) If He had executed justice upon the Egyptians.
3) If He had executed justice upon their gods.
4) If He had slain their first born.
5) If He had given to us their health and wealth.

Five Stanzas of Miracles

6) If He had split the sea for us.
7) If He had led us through on dry land.
8) If He had drowned our oppressors.
9) If He had provided for our needs in the wilderness for 40 years.
10) If He had fed us manna.

Five Stanzas of Being With God

11) If He had given us Shabbat.
12) If He had led us to Mount Sinai.
13) If He had given us the Torah.
14) If He had brought us into the Land of Israel.
15) If He built the Temple for us.

After each stanza everyone sings “Dayenu” meaning if God had done just this it would have been enough.

This theme has remained in my heart since passover on Monday night. On Easter morning I was getting ready for church. I realized as Michael was getting Cole ready for church that he had tears in his eyes. I was a bit surprised and I asked him what was on his mind. He said, “If God had died on the cross for us it would have been enough. But he goes beyond that and blesses us in so many ways. One of those blessing being our little boy.”

Dayenu!!! But he does more than we ask, gives us with overwhelming gifts, and dreams bigger dreams for us than we can even dream for ourselves. God is so good.

In the Moment

This week it happened. My newborn son, Cole is 5 weeks old. I always day dreamed of being the mom who makes time to play with her child and who doesn’t allow the routine of the day to steal away those precious moments. Well, here we are 5 weeks out from his birth and it happened. I had my long to do list waiting for me when the alarm clock went off and I hopped up and went to it. At the end of the day I realized that I had not tried to make Cole smile all day. (which is something he had just learned to do a few days earlier). My goal had been not to enjoy him but to simply pacify him as quickly as possible throughout the day so I could check the next thing off my to do list. I was so upset with myself! I had allowed my type A personality to highjack the day and it cost me dearly, a day full of sweet moments that I missed because I wasn’t looking...I wasn’t present. Evidence that an “absent mother” can be fully physically present but emotionally absent. Life doesn’t stop. I must check off some items off of my to do list for us to function as a family and be feed. But. if I put “play with my baby” and “stare at him as he sleeps” too far down on my priority list these magical moments will be gone forever and I will never have the chance to get them back. I foresee that I will have to constantly battle my natural productivity, efficiency driven tendencies. Yet, I refuse to allow my future focused mentality to steal the joy of the present moment from me. Today I woke up, with Cole still sleeping, I quietly tiptoed to the back porch to drink coffee and spend time with God. I am not sure how to not become “that women” but I have a feeling it starts right here. Right here in this shared focused moment with the only One that can help me escape myself and change me from the inside out. God, Thank you for my little boy. He has already in the past 5 weeks brought us so much joy. Please help me to be the mother that he deserves and the mother that you have called me to be.



A picture of one of my favorite things...Cole's sweet little head nestled up against my neck.