In the Moment

This week it happened. My newborn son, Cole is 5 weeks old. I always day dreamed of being the mom who makes time to play with her child and who doesn’t allow the routine of the day to steal away those precious moments. Well, here we are 5 weeks out from his birth and it happened. I had my long to do list waiting for me when the alarm clock went off and I hopped up and went to it. At the end of the day I realized that I had not tried to make Cole smile all day. (which is something he had just learned to do a few days earlier). My goal had been not to enjoy him but to simply pacify him as quickly as possible throughout the day so I could check the next thing off my to do list. I was so upset with myself! I had allowed my type A personality to highjack the day and it cost me dearly, a day full of sweet moments that I missed because I wasn’t looking...I wasn’t present. Evidence that an “absent mother” can be fully physically present but emotionally absent. Life doesn’t stop. I must check off some items off of my to do list for us to function as a family and be feed. But. if I put “play with my baby” and “stare at him as he sleeps” too far down on my priority list these magical moments will be gone forever and I will never have the chance to get them back. I foresee that I will have to constantly battle my natural productivity, efficiency driven tendencies. Yet, I refuse to allow my future focused mentality to steal the joy of the present moment from me. Today I woke up, with Cole still sleeping, I quietly tiptoed to the back porch to drink coffee and spend time with God. I am not sure how to not become “that women” but I have a feeling it starts right here. Right here in this shared focused moment with the only One that can help me escape myself and change me from the inside out. God, Thank you for my little boy. He has already in the past 5 weeks brought us so much joy. Please help me to be the mother that he deserves and the mother that you have called me to be.



A picture of one of my favorite things...Cole's sweet little head nestled up against my neck.