No Sleep In Sonoma

When I carefully planned our vacation adventure to the quaint little town of Sonoma, I for some reason envisioned an evening nap and waking up late in the morning. I forgot to ask you, Cole, my dear little 1 year old, what your plans were for our trip. Why did it surprise me that you, a jet lagged 1 year old, who had flown from NC to San Francisco just days before would not have the same plans? I quickly realized there would be ..no sleep in Sonoma.

But, you know, If there had been sleep in Sonoma...
I would have missed shopping with you in the boutiques that lined the street during those afternoon hours. Oohing and ahhing over the expensive things that we will never buy. Your creative mind pointing out oddities that I would have overlooked had you not been perched there on my back.

If there had been sleep in Sonoma...
I would have never went to the park to talk to the sleeping ducks and awaken them at the water’s edge. Nor would I have taken the time to smile and wave to each passerby.

If there had been sleep in Sonoma...
maybe even just a short afternoon nap. Maybe you would not have turned into a screaming wild arm flailing beast at supper, a display for everyone that had reservations for the late seating at El Dorado Kitchen. No one that saw your dramatic production would have believed that you really are an celestial little being. This fact is so clear to me, as moments later in the hotel room, my anger slowly melts away, as the soft glow from city street comes through the window and falls across your chubby cheeks and motionless face.

If there had been sleep in Somoma...
I wouldn’t have been up at 6:30 am!!! But I would have missed the early morning stroll around the city center park. It was ours to ourselves. Only a couple store owners and a handful of early risers stirred about on the city street. The park was still and quiet except for your laughter as it echoed and bounced between the trees.

If there had been sleep in sonoma...
I would have been fast asleep on the plush hotel pillow and would have missed our early morning breakfast date at the sunflower cafe. We were awake earlier than the other patrons so not only did we get to sit close to the fountain but you could play without unfriendly glances being cast your way. Your thoughts on life and the things you told me in our discussion over breakfast were so captivating. I can’t wait until I can understand completely.

If there had been sleep in sonoma...
I would not be here in city center in the early morning focused intently on penning these words while you focus intently on every grain of sand that runs through your fingers. I love just being near you and watching you enjoy your work of being a kid.

So, there was no sleep in Sonoma...
But when you are grown and you are out on travel adventures of your own. I am sure that I will be so glad for these moments in time, and thankful that that there was no sleep in Sonoma.

Sweet Cole, I hope you can sense how deep my love is for you. Being a resident doctor during these first years of your life has truly placed limits on the time that we have together. But the times we are together are so precious. I just want to soak you in and record in my mind everything about you. Sometimes when I am feeling sleep deprived it is a struggle to be the mom I want to be.

In residency, usually it is in the middle of the night you have that case. A case that teaches you about medicine, about yourself, and forms who you are as a doctor. You never forget that type of case your entire career. And even though your physical body screams for sleep you are glad that your body was startled awake to respond to the call. Otherwise you would have never experienced it.

I am going to try to take these childhood moments and demands that require me to forego sleep as the same type of opportunity. I don’t want to miss it. I want to be there. Present. Ready to soak in what you have to show me and teach me. I have so much to learn from you. Thanks for making my trip to Sonoma, California so special.

You make my life so rich.

Post Call cuddle with Cole